Memory Lane

I took a stroll, well drive really, down memory lane today. I had to tend to some business out in Hoffman Estates, and since we had some extra time, I decided to show the boys the house I grew up in. We drove over to Rolling Meadows, and first I toured thru the downtown. Man, was that just a surreal experience. It's been several years since I last did that, and while some things haven't changed, so much has changed! The police station/city hall looks exactly the same. The fire station and the funeral home is still there, as is the gas station on the corner of Kirchoff and Hicks. Fratello's is in the same spot and the Jewel shopping center remains (Altho, it changed quite a bit over the years while was growning up. My mind's eye still shows the 1980s version of it). But the 7-11 is gone, the Barro's Pizza is long gone, the Dunkin' Donuts we used to stop at after church has relocated. And most startlingly of all, the Dominick's is gone. There are lots of new brick condos/apartments that have taken over many of these old places, and it just looks so strange to me. I was almost feeling overwhelmed as I drove thru and tried to take it all in. It was so familiar, but then again so different. I felt so emotional over seeing how different things look compared to how I remember them.

Next we drove over to the old house. Driving down the main neighborhood road felt so strange! I was suddenly flooded with memories of walking/biking/driving that road and all the cul-de-sacs while I still lived there. Again, I felt overwhelmed and emotional while taking in how things have changed/matured. Now that he is getting old enough to understand, I told Caiden this was my old neighborhood and that I used to bike ride all up and down that street when I was younger.

Finally, we pulled up in front of the old homestead. I knew it had changed, but again my mind's eye stubbornly held on to the vision of how the house looked when I last lived there.

Seeing the major transformation it had undertaken really jolted me. I sat there for a few minutes and just stared at it thinking and remembering. Noticing what was gone and what was still there. Seeing how the trees have grown, that the bushes were still there, and the lamp post still lived in the front yard. But the front doors are red now, the house is brown with a strange rock border. The windows are new, and there are some shutters missing.

 We drove around to the back of the house, and I laughed when I saw they put the sliding glass door back in the kitchen and removed the slider from the family room. The patio has been redone, the fence is gone, and while my favorite climbing oak tree is still there, there is no way a kid could get up there today without a very tall ladder. I was startled to see how much the trees had grown that are near the edge of the road. I remember when my dad planted them and that I was taller than they were. Now those trees are 25 years old. The elm is gone and the crab apple too. But the peonies are still there, and that made me smile.

I used to fantasize that maybe we could buy that house back someday, but I discovered today that I don't feel that way anymore. I have my own family now, and I want to build and create new memories with them. Trying to re-live and re-create the old ones just wouldn't feel right. I do wish that house still belonged to Mom, because I would love for my kids to know that house like I did and to play in that yard like I did. But it doesn't, and they won't, and I think I'm OK with that. I can still take them to that neighborhood and say that's where I grew up, and that's the park I played at, and that's the creek we always talked about. It's no longer mine, but it is still accessible and I can always share that part of my life with them in one way or another.

So, I think it is time to properly say: Goodbye, House I Grew Up In. I will always carry so many memories - both joyful and sad -  that were created in and around you. I've had a hard time letting you go, silly as that may sound, but I'm finally ready. It's good to see you now and then to remember what you meant to me. But it's time for me to let go, so I bid you a fond farewell. XOXO, Me.